Today was tough. Really, really tough. Nothing I did seemed to feel right, I just couldn’t think of anything I wanted to make on this square. I didn’t have many ideas. And every idea I had, I immediately hated. I wanted to cry and quit. I’ve never had this much difficulty creating something. Honestly, this is the first time I have to do it completely alone, without a clear assignment. Sometimes we work in a group, other times I have actors to work with…
Maybe I just suck on my own. Maybe I can’t do this. Maybe I can’t make theatre. Those are the thoughts I had today.
I tried a lot of stuff out with the windows, and it was okay. It did work, but I just wasn’t excited about it at all. I didn’t feel like making a performance of 7 minutes out of that idea, even though it was the best idea I had. So at the end of the day, I decided to throw away the window idea (for now, at least).
It’s site-specific theatre. That means the performance can only be performed there, and is heavily influenced by the location. If it’s performed elsewhere, it would be completely different.
What’s special about this square? The windows are a bit special, but not that much. But that statue. That damn statue is the special thing about this square. I should do something with that. I also liked standing inside of it and thought that looked intriguing. Then I thought of something new: standing inside of the statue, but with my back towards the audience.
I like this. I immediately think of a naked back when I see this, and I think that might be even more intriguing. I definitely feel like that would add to the uncomfortable, vulnerable feeling I have on this square. I’m just not sure I have the balls to do it…
I also still have that poem I wrote about the statue not knowing why it’s here that I really like. So I have an image (but there’s no movement yet, is it interesting to look at a back for 7 minutes?) and I have some text (but I don’t know what I want to do with it). When I read the poem aloud it takes about 1:30 minute. Hmm…I’m not sure how I can make a performance out of this.
But: I’m at least somewhat excited about this. I can do something with this. At least…I hope so. It’s nowhere near a performance, though…
Let’s try and do some filling in, see where I’m at right now:
Goal: make the audience experience how I felt about being on this square and having to create a performance
Appearance: a square with white picnic tables; buildings surround it. There’s some symmetry on the square, with the windows and green doors behind the statue. It’s light, because it’s morning. The audience sits on the picnic tables. A bronze statue in the middle of the square, quite close to the audience. Inside the statue is a girl, who has her back to the audience. She wears jeans, her back is naked. She shifts around, as if to turn around, but she doesn’t. Over a speaker sounds Philip Glass-like music.
Then, also a poem (about the statue) over the speaker, read by the voice of the girl (not live). The last sentence of the poem is: ‘And he thinks: what am I doing here?’
The girl walks away, through the green doors. The music stops.
Content: the performance is about feeling out of place, not knowing what to do. About feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable, and about making the decision to leave when you feel that way.
Uhm…it’s something! I might be able to work with this, actually. I think I like it!
Wow, I’m even sort of on schedule…I wanted to know where I was going with the performance today, and have a direction draft. I think I have that now!
And I actually feel some excitement, even though I’d still rather not do this. But it’s better than before.
A shitty day, but a good ending! Let’s hope I get this done tomorrow!